The other day, I was looking at some photographs of myself, which were taken when I was unaware of being shot – pun intended! And I looked serious and scary. I know some of you think I am – scary that is; and those of you that do, that is exactly what I intended! But to the rest of the world, that is NOT how I want to come across. So I decided to make it my New Year resolution to look friendly, you know, like I really am – to match the inside and the outside!!
I put that plan into action. As Marissa and I were out shopping, she in her stroller and me pushing right behind, we see this lady coming towards us. I smile at her. She turns and looks behind her to see if I was smiling at someone else. There’s no one there, and she looks back at me. So I smile a little wider as if to say… yes, I was smiling at you. She gives me a strange look, and a once over and walks away. How rude. Maybe it was her New Year resolution to be less friendly. Whatever!!
But as I walk along, I begin to think… What if it’s not her? What if it’s me? I look down at myself. I’m properly dressed. Marissa is too, just right for the weather. What could be the problem? Did I remember to comb my hair? I’m pretty sure I did. Maybe there is something in my teeth. What did I have for breakfast? By now my mind is so crazy, I can’t remember. Some concentrated thinking later I give up. I consider asking my two year old “Honey, does mommy have something stuck in her teeth?” or “ does mommy have something on her face?” But what exactly do I think she’s going to tell me? So then I begin looking for some mirrored surface in the store to see for myself. But what would someone think if they saw me grinning at myself in the reflection? That I’m extremely self centered or even worse, CRAZY… not exactly the look I was going for when I made my resolution.
I have a phobia about public restrooms so I rule that out. Up ahead I see the clothing department. I head towards it. I’m sure I’ll find a mirror or a dressing room. No mirror, but I do see a dressing room. Yes!!! I grab a garment off the rack (must keep up appearances) and head towards it. It’s locked. Now I have to find an associate and get them to open the door. This is getting from bad to worse. I don’t want to face someone else if I have food stuck in my teeth. I give up! I’m getting out of here. I’ll just have to come back and do my shopping another day. I don’t even remember what I came in here for anyway.
So head down, I exit the store and head to my car. I put Marissa into her car seat and me into mine; pull down my mirror and … nothing. NOTHING is wrong with me!! Except that I spent twenty minutes driving myself crazy because someone was rude!
Now here is my dilemma. Should I keep up with my resolution? After all, those are meant to be broken, right? Or maybe my resolution should be not to let things like this get to me! Maybe smiling is overrated. Tell me it is. Maybe I’m just not going to volunteer a smile anymore. You want me to smile at you… then smile at me first. I think that’s it! That’s the solution!
So going forward, I’m just going to be me, walking around looking “mean” and “serious”, and if you don’t judge the book by the cover, we’ll share a smile.